We were about an hour from dinner being served. I am sure I was feeling proud that I could do it all myself but at the same time was hurt that I had to do it all myself. You know, kind of wondering who made the rule that you get to go hunting most of the day while I slaved away in the kitchen to make sure that when you walk through the door, there will be a delicious meal for you to enjoy.
We have to go backwards a little here and explain that when I cooked there was rarely a compliment given by him. If he cooked, he asked on almost every bite if you thought it was a delicious as he did. I swear through the entire meal he keep saying, "This is so good, don't you think so too?" if he cooked.
Well, I heard the truck pull in the driveway. He came in the back door, as usual. Walks right up to the stove and started the "inspection" of dinner. He checked the tenderness of the potatoes that were boiling, the temp of the turkey and then took a small spoon and tasted the gravy that was bubbling on the stove. Threw the spoon down and it made a big splash in the gravy. I asked what the problem was. He said it was too salty or something. I am pretty sure I was offended by his inspection and criticism after not helping at all to prepare it. The details got foggy after that but I believe he threw the entire meal in the waist basket and then took it outside to dump it in the trash can.
What do you do?? I was at a complete loss on how to continue the day. We had very little else to eat in the house. How do you fix this horrible memory for the kids when all you were trying to do was make a great memory for them? How do you live in the same home with him after that action? What a horrible mess we have now. What makes a grown person do this?
I do remember going out to the trash can and lifting the lid and crying as I saw the dinner that I cooked with all the love that I had, sitting in the filthy trash can. That vision is clear to me. I don't remember how I solved the dinner thing. Seems like we went to McDonald's or had spaghetti or something.
Thanksgiving for me has rarely been about family tradition. My Mother passed away 30 years ago and that pretty much ended any tradition that we, as a family, shared. I remember one year right after my divorce when the kids were at his house for the day, I went to Denton's Den with my sister and had a turkey sandwich. For a few years I cooked a full meal and invited all the homeless or near homeless folks that I knew in the neighborhood. Sometimes those were the best.
If it was up to me I would cook like a fool and invite all of my relatives to share in the meal served on my Grandmother's best Nortake china. Sadly, it isn't up to me.
On this day of reflection and an opportunity to be thankful......I am thankful for my wonderful circle of friends. Many of whom invited me to share the day with them today. The ones that are there for you all the time. The ones I would do anything for. I am seriously thankful for them. They keep me sane.
Brad, Patrick and Tavis I wish you were at the table with me today. Love you!!
